I Can Only Imagine (My Version) ✍️

Good Good Father

It's Father's Day on Sunday...usapang Tatay tayo👨‍🍼

I once felt envious of kids whose fathers were kind and considerate, while I admire those fathers who use balance scales to weigh things, make just decisions, and don't overreact to minor concerns. Whenever I see children with their fathers walking around a mall or park, eating a meal together, and talking cheerfully, there is a slight ache in my heart.

Let me tell you about my "papa."  He was a good husband to my mother because I never saw him exact revenge on her for their disagreements. When my mother nags him, he doesn't walk away, he sits silently. However, to us, his four (4) children, he is a batas militar-style, very disciplinarian. His rules are unchangeable. He instilled fear in us with his pamalong "buntot-pagi" (na palaging nakasabit sa dingding ng sala na animo'y always ready to rumble😁 which would undoubtedly hit us hard on the butt if we did anything wrong, especially if we neglected our academics. That "fear" motivated us to take our education seriously by not missing or cutting classes, completing school assignments and projects on time, and saying no to cheating. Another thing that upsets my father is when we fail to say "po or opo" in our interactions with them or old folks. If we do, we'll definitely be in big trouble. I'd say my papa gave us "good" fears. Out of fear, we were led to accomplish the invaluable task of completing our education and learning to respect the elders. And this is the kind of fear that God desires for us to have towards Him. An apprehension that isn't crippling or paralyzing, but motivates us to act correctly because we're afraid of the consequences.

"The fear of the Lord is the beginning of wisdom, and knowledge of the Holy One is understanding." (PR0VERBS 9:10).

"The fear of the Lord prolongs days, but the years of the wicked are shortened." (PR0VERBS 10:27)

But there is one thing I can't stand about my father: his authority and possessiveness. It caused me to distance myself from him, straining our father-daughter relationship. We didn't converse much, and when he did, he was judgmental and critical. In my opinion, his viewpoint is absurd. He is against my socializing with friends. And once I started working, he became sterner and despised the "boyfriend" stuff more and more. One time, due to overtime and heavy traffic in Ayala Makati, I arrived home from work after 8 p.m. and he expected me to be in the house at 6 p.m. And by the time I arrived, my father had already told relatives and neighbors that I was on a date and flirting. In turn, they informed me of what my father had told them. It's embarrassing, especially because it wasn't true. His words were simply an expression of his enmity. He even perceives the smallest grin on my lips for a male acquaintance or friend as an attempt on my part to attract men. That is my father's way of thinking.

I have a niece in the province who stayed at our house in Makati to study nursing at EAC in Taft. We are not far apart in age. And I saw how my father cared for her apo as if she were his daughter.  He cooks for her. They eat lunch or dinner together; they talk, which we don't do as father and daughter. That's how my father treats her (and his other nieces, nephews, and grandchildren in the province), he deals with them with more consideration and kindness than he does me, which makes me feel unwanted and makes me resent him. Thus, I don't want him around. When he is in the province, I feel happy and at peace because I am free and can be me. It's stressful to have someone keep an eye on you, controlling your every action and word, and seeing only the negative in you.

My father suffered a stroke in 2004. He lost strength. He moves slowly and breathes quickly due to his emphysema. This marked a turning point in how he treated me. He never smiled at me, so I was surprised to see it for the first time. He frequently looked at me with enraged eyes and a chiseled jawline for his suspicions about my behavior that were unfounded and never justified. But ever since my papa became nice to me, sitting next to him on the couch when he watched FPJ movies or Pacquiao fights, holding his hand, leaning over his shoulder, or linking my arms with his, felt normal. I hope that in those physical gestures, I was able to express to him a daughter's love in the best way I know how.

Since then, my relationship with my father has been restored. A reconciliation that is difficult to achieve without God's intervention. God reassembled all the shattered pieces of my connection with my father back together again, leaving no traces of the damage, and this new bond was far better than the old. I'm grateful that God gave me a chance to make amends just before taking him home to heaven in 2005.

It is natural for us to long for love from those closest to us—family and friends. And their apathy towards us kills our spirits and dims our lives. I felt ignored and alienated during my papa's domineering years. I felt isolated and lonely without my mother (who has since passed away) and my three siblings (all of whom have families of their own). I wallowed in self-pity then. But five years ago, God met me in my deepest hunger for affection, attention, and belongingness. I thought I was alone, but I learned the truth... I have never been and will never be alone. I've been receiving special care and affection from someone lofty, holy, and unseen above all along, and He's been after me since I was born. Even though I am orphaned, it's just physical, and it does not affect the reality that my "Abba" father, though I cannot see Him, is always close by in spirit.

I was the only one in the house throughout my father's lengthy stay in the province, and many horrific incidents nearly destroyed my life. Yet the fact that I'm still alive and well, that I've made it this far and counting, is indisputably thanks to my spiritual Father, who is constantly watching over me. So, if you have a biological father who is overprotective and domineering like mine, put off your worries. Recognize that we have a spiritual Father who loves us in ways we cannot comprehend. You can rely on Him to accept you as you are, flaws and all. You may not be aware of Him, but He is watching over and caring for you. He's all around you, enveloping you with His love and goodness.

Just As I am loved by a "good, good Heavenly Father...so are you! 👉😍

Happy Father's Day, sa lahat ng Haligi ng Tahanan.

And especially, to our Abba Father sa Kaitaastaasan, pagbati po ng Happy Father's Day mula sa Inyong mga Anak dito sa sangkalupaan. Papuri, parangal at pagsamba ay nauukol lamang sa Iyo Diyos AMA sa ngalan ni Hesukristo kasama ng Banal na Espiritu🙏